Generation 'R'

R for Rape. Yes, this post is a result of the recent shameful incident that happened within our glorious society in the wonderful capital city of New Delhi. Those of you who are not aware, please search New Delhi Gangrape and google will come to your rescue. For those in the know, well...you know about it way more than I do for sure (thanks to the wonderful Indian media that makes their business out of public shame).

While I have been cutoff from a lot of 'what happens in India' due to our own FWPs (First World Problems - here in US), I could not miss the horror and the reaction that this recent rape evoked. I saw some obvious reactions from the newly empowered social netizens of India and could not help but think...enough talk (when I say 'talk', in current day it means 'Post', 'Like' or 'Share' on FB, that's what we do to communicate now) but what are you doing to change this from happening ever again? Some of the things I saw and why I think they are as stupid as calling us a developing country (a $ driven bubble and a hungry consumer culture), are listed below. Again, I have been too distant for too long, so some of my facts may not be right and I would appreciate any corrective measures/education that the readers can help me with. As always, this is just an expression of my RAW thoughts.

1. Hang thou and thy shall not rape!!! - Really??? You think that if Indian legislature enforced capital punishment for this crime, it would 'prevent' future rapes? You think that the rapist would NOT have done what he did had he known that he would be killed instead of being sentenced for life? This is not Game Theory. I don't call myself a rapist's shrink, but I can only imagine that when a drunk/mentally challenged/self-abused a'hole (stereotypical rapist) is about to rape a victim, he is 'simply' not thinking. All that is driving him is lust and his animal instincts (we will visit this later). If he could think straight at all, he would never rape in the first place. In that moment of misery and the minutes that lead to it, their mind stopped working. Capital punishment will only do us one good (which I do support) - get rid of the cockroaches and not having taxpayers pay for the rest of their miserable lives. I am for it if that's the intention, but this is not a preventive measure.
2. Candle light vigil - Really??? Once again....REALLY? This is India. Its not Newtown, Connecticut. No one gives a shit to your candle other than media which makes their money out of capturing your naivety on camera and then selling it to more naive consumers. There has to be better things you could do with your time - like imparting sex education to slum kids (more on this below too) and help control mindless alcoholism. Does the Indian judicial or legislative system care about your candles??? I really doubt.
3. The rest of them - make them wear proper attire, more safety, more policing, make victim's name public, etc... they aren't even worth discussing, as they are all as useless as is a condom to a rapist (in the current context).

The more important reason I wanted to write this post is because while I was trying to analyze, why and how could someone do something so inhuman, I came up with some obvious reasons which may not be very obvious to many of us and some corrective measures we could adopt -

1. General Lack of Respect for Women - If as a growing child, a boy sees disrespect for women being the norm in his house, and he sees it being rewarded (the male patriarch does it, takes pride in it and gets away with it), I strongly believe that the child will follow suit. It is my request to the candle-burning section of our society to instead try to take that time to talk to children of the drivers, the gardeners, the duudh waalas and the press waalas that they pay petty rupees to do their odd jobs, to ensure their minds are not clouded with such thoughts. If they are, educate them, help them see what's right and what's not and if needed, bring the wrong ones to justice (go to your local police station, dont post about it on FB). And above all, charity begins at home...if you see a woman in your family not being treated equally (in every aspect of the word EQUAL), stand up for her. Help her, help others in your family - dont go burning candles when you can't use that time to help a child who is growing up in your family's shadow become a better man/woman. Spend the time and money where it can have better impact.
2. Negligible Sex Education - For those who think we Indians are good at this, I will take my own example. I come from an urban, well-financed, modern family. Despite all of this, until the age of 12, I thought kids were born when a man kissed a woman. My first introduction to sex education was at the age of 13 through Porn (moving and print). Being raised in a boy's family (two sons, a father and a mother - sole female in the house), we had NO insight into anything feminine at all in our lives - heck I didnt even know what periods mean (and I am not alone) until I heard about a term called PMS and looked it up on the Internet. I never got any sex education as part of my academics (good schools in Delhi and Jodhpur) or from my family, etc. THIS IS NOT HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO BE! I humbly request my elders and peers - men and women, who have children or will have them in the future - talk to your children. Don't let them explore their sexuality through the glasses provided by the porn industry or MTV ('un' reality TV) for that matter. You can be their portals to a knowledgeable, healthy life which includes their evolving sexuality. Answer their questions - dont let them hunt for the answers in the wrong directions. Sex should not be taboo. It has always been and will be a part of our life and existence. Especially women - you owe this to your sons, daughters and siblings...make the society a better and a sexier (in the healthy and 'right' way) place to live.
3. Its SEX! Lets stop being hypocrites - Its economics - supply vs. demand. We all, but more visibly, men and boys demand more sex (which most of them they have no idea about - other than that its just about f'king anything that walks) and their seems to be a tight supply. We (majority of Indians) are presumably a sex starved society. Something needs to change...else lust will rule over our senses and more of this shame will happen. Lets open up a little here...a clean, healthy and regulated prostitution industry might be a quick win. Eventually, we could do away with it when we grow up as a more sexually mature society where its normal for consenting adults to have sex and not be banished for even talking about it.
4. Last but not the least - I beg of the ladies - be aware that you live in bad times and in a bad place (eg. Delhi). Be in-charge of your safety - dont trust the society or the government to take care of you. Not because, you dont deserve it, but because they cant even take care of themselves. Learn Kickboxing, run 5K everyday, do some pushups, become stronger...so that if next time you're ever in a situation where you feel unsafe, kick those balls and kick them hard. A side effect will be that you will get fitter, healthier and stronger while doing this. But yes, dont go ahead with making the annual deposit to that fancy Gold's Gym that just opened up. Make humble beginnings - run in the park or EAT right to begin with.

I think we have a duty towards the present and future of our society and the safety of the citizens that are part of it. As part of that duty, we need to become better citizens ourselves and do what we can do best - enable others in becoming better off. Blaming others and pointing fingers at politicians and the Police isn't helping anyone - it never did. Take action and avoid stupid reaction!

Moments...just a few of them!

I looked at my watch as I packed my bag - 5:46 PM. The train for Hoboken leaves at 5:58 and it takes me 9 minutes to get (walk/jog) to the station. I should be able to make it. I run for the elevator, press the button. Within moments, I hear the friendly dong and the doors open up.  I get in hoping that its a smooth run down the floors. Alas, there were others like me, but my alibi - none of them was taking the train. We stop at a couple of floors on the way down and I just hated it when the guy coming in on 3rd didn't manage to pull his bag in for the doors to close on the first go. DING DONG.... DING DONG... come on dude! We finally make it to the lobby and I rushed to the other lift that would finally take me to the 'real' ground floor. Yeah, there is two of them - I cursed Cushman & Wakefield for the building design once again. Anyway, I get out of this one smoothly and realize its 5:50ish. I start running... OMG! Is it just gravity or have I really gained so much weight that I cant run with a 20lb bag on my back. Whatever... today is the day when I am going to REjoin the 'gym'. Yes - this is why I am trying so hard.

Sprinting, walking, jogging... I make it to the station and see the train waiting on the platform. The architecture of this station mimics that of my office. I have to climb three floors and then take the stairs down to get to the platforms. WTF! Why do I even need to work out...with these fabulous pieces of architecture in my life. I run down the stairs to the platform and its 5:58ish... I am happy :) However, the train operator didn't know I was the only one of this lonely station who was rushing to take this train which would get me to Hoboken in time for the appointment at the gym. Helplessly, I stood on the platform looking at the closed doors of the train as it left. There was nothing stopping me then... I was so angry with myself and everyone who lead up to the delay...the phone call that I had to take, the email (2 actually) that I had to send before leaving, the water that I had to drink at 5:30 and the nature's call that I had to take after that... aah! I could have burnt the station had I been living inside a video game. But, this was real life. So, no burning... only cursing.

Wisdom prevailed. I realized that any more anger will only make me even more angry and pathetic. I pulled it together and waited for the next train. Got to Newark Broad Street at 6:31 and realized that the connecting train to Hoboken is at 7:16. Yes, now I have to wait on this station for the next 45 minutes. The vicious circle started again... and here I am venting it out on my new found 'KOP BHAVAN' - I think thats what Kaikayi (Remember Ramayan) called her Anger Abode. Some may feel that wtiting this blog has helped me in just expressing my thoughts (most of which are laced with anger and frustration) in words. However, I've realized that its not only given me that but also gave me a way to laugh at myself as I put these words together. In a way, it is helping me become a better person, as I don't have to wait to get home to let these stupid thoughts out in front my wife and prove that I am an impatient moron. I can now share it with the world (yes 'YOU' are the world to me as you read by blog :)) and get over this SH*T by the time I get home and enjoy the company of my dearest her majesty. By the way, what about the gym? Wasn't today my first day after a long, alcohol infused, 'dessert'ed break? That would be an entirely different conversation.

A Flight to Remember... or Forget!

Disclaimer: I'd like to mention to all the readers of this post that I am a very secular person who believes in and respects people of all faiths and religions and honestly consider myself one of the least racist, communist Indians (I emphasize on 'Indians', because I believe that Indians are one of the most racist people on the face of this planet - but we'll leave that for another day). I also do not intend to create or hint towards any stereotypes and am just laying out a series of happenings on a factual basis.

This goes back to last summer - July 2010. My wife and I are traveling in Europe and towards the end of our vacation, land in Rome. I have no words to define the beauty and magnificence of that city - its beyond the power of my illustration. Anyway, we are supposed to fly out from Rome to Frankfurt and be there for a day before we head back to Amreeka. We take the shuttle from the downtown Rome on a Saturday morning morning to depart from the Ciampino airport (CIA) to arrive in Frankfurt Hahn (HHN) on a Ryanair flight. I have already made our bookings month in advance and have checked in to reserve seats - as my ticket said in bold 'DON'T FORGET TO CHECK-IN ONLINE FROM 15 DAYS UP TO 4 HOURS PRIOR TO YOUR SCHEDULED FLIGHT DEPARTURE.'. I paid an additional 10 Euros to avail the WEB check in facility in order to secure a decent pair of seats.

We board the bus and the first thing my wife notices is how smartly dressed the driver was. Coming from India, where the bus drivers are 'generally' shabby, we see this guy who is suited in a crisp linen suit, shaved with a Mach-5 (if their exists one) and has gelled his hair at 6:00 AM in the morning. He looks like one of those Emporio Armani dudes who walk the ramps on FTV - we saw a bunch of them across Europe but I guess Italians are very fashion conscious breed of people - even the cops have rolled up their sleeves as they drive around in their Alfa Romeos (YES!!! not a Gypsy or Qualis). So he takes us to the airport and drops us well ahead of time. We enter a rather rickety airport which can't be compared by any means to the ultra sophisticated breed of airports that are now popping up in India, Insire, there is utter chaos and loooooong lines in front of the Ryan Air counters. Aparently, there are two lights and as is evident, Ryanair can't handle the crowd - they remind me of my recent Air India experience (but that too is going to be a different story). We check the bags - an additional 40 Euros per bag and are given our boarding cards. Since, there is a good 1 hour to our flight, we decide to grab some breakfast.

About 20 mins prior to take-off, we get in line and board our flight, under the impression that we have already  booked our seats and just need to board and fly...not aware that its all a scam. As soon as I step in the flight, the hostess sees my boarding pass and tells me to find seats. I asked her where 81-82 are and she says 'Free Seating Sir - First Come First Grab'. Surprised and tired to argue, I start looking for seats and then fortunately find two seats divided by an isle and just grab them. This is where the twist begins...

I casually sit and tighten my seat belts and check on my wife who does the same. Then, she sees the two Muslim clerics, close to 30 years of age, dressed in white robes sitting next to me. One of them is talking on his mobile and the other is praying with closed eyes. I stay quiet so as not to disturb him and just look forward to our landing in Frankfurt. The flight starts its taxi and even after repeated announcements, the guy on the phone doesn't stop talking. Not quite done - I think. Not many moments have passed and I realize that he has started crying. Not just crying but bursting into tears and almost shaking with his hands covering his face but I can see him. The guy between him and me starts doing the same. I am FROZEN. The few things that cross my mind are:
1. Why is he still talking on the phone when the plane is in Taxi??? Isn't it illegal and unsafe as it could hamper the communication signals for the pilots?
2. Why are they both crying so frantically now???? I realize I am in a flight that's about to take off and the horrific memories of the 9/11 episode cross my mind. I don't know whether this was stupid, irrational, or whatever - but my mind is taken hostage by this series of incidents.

I look around and realize that in this ultra cheap aircraft, which is literally shaking as we move along the runway of this rickety airport, the noise of the aircraft suppresses the noise of him on the phone or these two crying out loud. I look around to find two more clerics, in the 50-60 age bracket, sitting right behind Saumya (yes - thats's my wife's name - I realized that I haven't introduced her in this blog yet - Sorry wifey). These two guys are quiet, still and have their eyes closed and it seems, are praying too. The plot that unfolds in my mind is that the guy on the phone is talking to his terrorist supremo, who is promising him martyrdom, but they both are crying because they realize that to be martyrs - death is a prerequisite. Anyway, death is the last thing I am wishing for, 10 days after getting married to the love of my life and on my way back from my dreamy European honeymoon. As may be apparent by now, I am almost shi*^ing in my pants and am thinking can I overpower these two? YES - is what my mind says but who knows what my powers are in front of an already conceptualized knife, gun or a grenade. I look into my wife's eyes and she is almost in tears as she is the only one who is seeing all this besides me. This entire thing happened in about 30 - 45 seconds after the taxi started and we were at loss of our words or actions but were just reacting to what was happening and praying that we live to see another day. Now STOP for a moment! Think what could have happened next. Obviously, the fact that I am writing this blog means that we didn't die. But what do you think happened next?

The guy on the phone hangs up, they both cry for another 20 seconds and then stop. STOP!!! Nothing else. I look behind Saumya to see the other two are now chatting and look in the front, if someone else saw/heard anything - nope, no one. The flight takes off and we are in air. I am still crippled by the fear of what's happening next as I think that these guys have now overcome the fear and would just rise any moment to unleash terror. My mind keeps thinking all sorts of things that I could do to suppress their actions, save the lives of the 120 odd people on this flight and mark my name in history OR go down in history as one of the passengers who lost their lives in a 'soon to be forgotten' terrorist attack. I start murmuring to Saumya and she prompts the need for us to do something. As I keep thinking what to do, in the next minute or two, I see the air hostess pushing the food and beverage cart towards us from the front. As she approaches us, I realize that the guy next to me is reaching for his pocket and I think THIS IS IT! As the hostess stepped next to me, he asked her for four bars of Mars. This made me happy and sad. The first thought now was hey - he is my buddy, a fellow chocolate lover. Maybe the talking on the phone was just an emergency and the crying was just a religious practice or they are scared to fly. The second thought is - maybe this is their last wish. Can you imagine??? I am still perplexed - I have two conflicting reactions to each of their actions. He keeps two for him and his buddy and pass on the other 2 to the ones sitting behind Saumya. They smile and as it appears, say 'Thanks' in their language.

I am waiting for the next piece of action and have made up my mind that I will not go down without a fight. After all, I am a 180lbs ghee-bred well-built (yeah, I was at that time) guy who can take on two fat guysof his age - at least I think so. We keep flying and amidst the series of screwed up events and resulting thoughts in my mind, little do I realize that we are almost there. Yes, we are about to land in 10 minutes, as is mentioned by the Pilot on the PSA. I think this is their last chance - to do something... crazy me, now waiting to see what's this all about - come on, do something, They disappoint me :(

Nothing happens, we land, we get up and we get out of the flight. I see them stepping off and peacefully proceeding to the luggage belt. I try to justify my thoughts by saying to myself that I was rational. To support myself, I talk to my wife, who has experienced this horrific journey with me, and she being as rational that I can ever imagine anyone to be, agrees with me. So, I believe, what the heck - I am not nuts. We pick our bags, get out of the airport, laugh it off and get on the way to our hotel in Frankfurt. PERIOD! Today, I look back, remember and laugh it off even now but BELIEVE IN ME. That was one flight that I wish I had not taken in my life. PEACE!

India 2011

So, one fine day my wife and I decide to take an 8 day trip to India. We book our tickets, apply for leaves (YES - in that order) and then fly out on a nice Saturday. After a 14 hour - direct - ass killing - Air India flight, we land in Delhi. WOOO! The airport does look good, its sparkling clean and there are people who are 'actually' helping. Its clean, cool and not crowded - I'm lovin' it.

We are here to attend my wife's cousin's wedding and enjoy our DES to the max. We reach home, chill out, meet some friends and doze off. Next day is a big day, not because its Valentine's day but because my wife has a VISA interview lined up at the US Embassy. She applied for H1B Visa. Before launching into out trip, she worked very closely with her organization (ACS - Xerox - a multi billion $$$ company) to ensure she has all the documents in place for the interview. I drop her and wait outside expecting it to be a quick thing. It turns out to be quicker as she is out in 20 minutes - but I don't see her smiling. Turns out, they gave ger a 221(g) [I didn't even know what this is until I saw one in her hand]. Apparently, the interviewing officer isn't convinced that she is 'required' by the company and so they ask for more documents. Now, let's take a few things into perspective -
1. She joined this HUGE company 2 months prior to flying out of US. All of this happened after the company had filed a Labor Petition under premium processing and got it approved. She got an SSN, worked for 8 weeks and even filed the Federal and State tax return for this small a period.
2. She is working for a Fortune 500 (or is it 100?) company called XEROX. The interviewing officer asked her how many people work in your office. She said 'thousands'. Then, she was asked 'How many in your building?' She said 'I'm not sure - hundreds'.
3. She was asked to submit the Tax returns of the company. Now, we are talking about a publicly traded corporate behemoth here. Not a small time consultant. Companies of this size publish annual reports with their annual and quarterly SEC filings. Anyway, we thought we will take a print out and submit the same.
4. She was asked to provide the details of her client and prove the intentions of the end-client to hire her. Mind this - she is working as a Full Time employee of a company - not a project based part time consultant for an end client.
I can continue this list, but I guess the message ios loud & clear - WHAT THE HELL?!?!

She was given this list and asked to submit the documents at VFS. She put all of this together and submitted the next day at VFS. Fortunately, they send an email in a couple of days asking for the Passport to be submitted. We happily submitted the same and waited for it to be turned around. On our 8th day (last day in India), we thought that we will get the passport and fly out that night as per the plan. However, we get an email at 2:16 pm from the embassy asking for more documents ... WTF!!! In fact, the same documents once more and a few additional ones which by no means apply to ANY FULL TIME employee working ANY WHERE in the world. Look up a 221(g) on the WEB, if you want more details.

In a state of frustration, we cancel our tickets and she puts together an email for her company's top legal counsel and immigration team lead. They find the request made by the embassy to be 'ludicrous'. Still, somehow they put together a document that explains everything that my wife spoke during her interview and that hopefully drives home the point - that these things are not required in her case. We submit the same along with all documents once again and hope for the best. We can't call them or email them but can only wait.

Days go by, in fact a week. Finally, its the end of 4th week (from the time we landed in India) and we get a text from VFS that the application has been approved. That day is today and we are hoping to finally board a flight to go back to our routine life - the life that we thought, we wouldn't miss when we get to India. The life that we thought, will never even cross our minds while we will have fun in our home land. The life, that was just 'us'. However, thanks to the experiences we had with the US Embassy in India, this trip was one to be forgotten, even before it got over. I am so frustrated that I thought, Ill start a blog and vent it somehow... :)

I believe its high time they outsource the entire VISA process to some one who can THINK and not just read a list. The superpower of the world needs to understand that the days of glory are already fading away and would not last really long if they don't embrace globalization and above all common sense. There is a world outside America and its getting bigger. GET IT!